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A little me time.

Satan's in the livingroom, choking me with apathy.
-Eve 6

So I get a whole day off, and what am I going to do with it? Probably not much. I mean, I am getting my comic books entered into the database, but after this, I'll probably just get myself some quality sim time logged and muse about being bored. Go me. Maybe Laundry.


I don't even know if I'm driven by anything other than survival anymore. I miss the days of running around in the woods on my day off with a few good friends. The connection I've always felt with nature is vanishing living in the city. I need a change of scenery, but that's not practical trying to save my money for Chincoteague.

I've been on a little emotional low-road lately. Ever since Ter, I just can't believe I spend my year working myself to the point of feeling too tired to actually do any of the things I love all for the promise of one week at the beach and maybe one or two weekends of hiking/kayaking along the Yough. in the mountains. I mean, by the time the chores are done and I'm fed and washed, I'm looking at an hour of me time on most days.

I know that's basically how adulthood ends up working, but it kinda just seems like the collective we missed the point somewhere along the way.

I'm still alive.

But I'm not dead yet!
I think I'll go for a walk!

Just letting my little cobweb infested corner of the internet here know that I'm still kicking. Not much excitement. I work, I come home, I go to karaoke on Thursdays, occasionally to Trivia on Wednesdays, but most nights I'm in bed by 8. The bills are paid, comics are bought, and the podcast is procrastinated. (Which reminds me, I never dumped last week's recording from the card, let alone pieced together the edit. Eek.)

I'm not sure if the routine is bogging me down, or a sweet relief from when I was scraping the cash together to pay the bills, but I do know it's nice to always have enough money to not panic, even if the last few days to payday are often strategically planned around the automated bill payment.

I guess, if you asked the me who started this journal, my worst fears have been realized. I've become normal.

Normal isn't as bad as I thought it would be ten years ago, however, and I think it might be quite a relief from the times when I was so far off track as to barely know myself anymore. As long as I don't let myself do THAT again, I should be fine.

At a loss for words...

"Breathing thoughtlessly in time/the cycles of the moon now past/Alive again I witness/who shall slumber on and/who like me shall WAKE AT LAST." -ThouShaltNot

I think I have to hurt someone now. I was told I'd love the show tonight at the Rex by more than a handful of people. I don't have any idea who they think I am, but clearly it is someone I am not. It was some guy from the Howard Stern show, which should have been my first clue, but it has been years since I listened to any of that sort of thing, and I do have a sickish sense of humorous so I figured it would be gritty and crude but at least I would laugh. WRONG.

It was nothing but Tit and Dick jokes, and tit and Dick jokes that weren't even funny. I got about ten minutes of enjoyment from watching the audience, who had paid "stupid money" for their seats, but my feelings of self superiority quickly faded to disgust and then depression as I came to realize Idiocracy is now. The insult comic made one joke about Ayn Rand that got me to laugh in the end, but it was only at the crowd who didn't understand or find humor in the only joke of the night that lacked any of the following words: Dick, Pussy, tits, fuck, or douche. That was my "I gotta go" moment.

Sometimes I am afraid that the human race is going to blow itself up. That experience made me fear we may not.


Leaves of the trees stripped to shadow branches scraping the sky like a D&C for the earth. Demeter's moods shift with my own now: I have lost my ties to Persephone of the summer joy. Samhain passed in a stupor, a fire, a view, and a swaggering, wavering stumble back to the place I lay my head? Home? Most days. I guess right now. Victoria's Secret: I will never compare to the illusion I weave around myself. And that's just fine. Rumblings and knives remind me this is real, and love's awkward smile that this too shall pass. Stasis sings a single note: resonant and inharmonious. Twelve hours until the complete turn around. Lets hang a wreath and some pretty baubles and call it Christmas. We call it Christmas when even yule has lost the ghosts of its meaning. No log to burn.


I'm in geek heaven. Tonight, for one night only, William Shatner is appearing at the Benidum Center in Downtown Pittsburgh's Historical cultural district, and I get to take my boyfriend as an early christmas present to him. In the end, we both win.
Saturnalia is such a wonderful time to pretend to be generous while really looking out for number one,
Hair did: Check.
Hooker boots: Check.
Sexy witchy dress: Check.
Geek-happy: Oh Hells-Check!



I am finally on vacation. I finally got to walk on the beach. I finally bought some pretty rocks from Egret Moon. I finally spent more time on a bicycle than on my feet. I finally get to hear seagulls laughing. Incessantly. I finally get to wake up to salt breezes, and go to sleep to silence. I finally remember what stars look like.

I am finally at one.

Chincoteague is my happy place, my peaceful island, my center of balance.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm finally going to get myself a glass of wine from the bottle I finally got the cork out of.

Tomorrow is Tim's first visit to the beach. I can't wait to see the ocean finally kick his ass.

Okay, I'm finally going to stop saying finally.


Random Encounters.

Today as I was walking home from work, I saw a girl walking with her boyfriend. She was hopping ober holes in the sidewalk as they approached me, laughing and radiating good feelings. She stopped hopping over them, because when they got to the last hole, I was right there. So I asked her, "What? You're just going to stop when you get to thd big one? Afraid of the challenge?"

Our eyes met, and our smiles synchronous we laughed together as though old friends. Then the moment passed as quickly as a sigh and we went our seperate ways to our separate lives. But for that one phrase, we would have been strangers, instead we became conspiritors, sharing laughter and light, as the human race had been designed to do.

Even More Geek Happiness!

Tim and I totally won the grand opening sale at New Dimension. First,Tim won a long box of comics. Then I won a long box. Then, I won a $50 gift certificate. Plus we got a ton of back issues, some toys and figures (wicked awesome American Mcgee's Cheshire cat!) A copy of Dixit, and a Steam Punk tarot deck that I'm going to use as a prop in my D&D game. I can't wait to use them with the game. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my new comics bagged, boarded, boxed, and browsed. (Bonus alliterative points!) I think today is the definition of a nerdgasm.

The Little Rewards

I finally made it through a terrible work week, emerging on the other side mostly in tact. I've got a couple hours to play videogames, then my boyfriend and I are going to indulge our geek selves in our monthly D&D session. Which makes me tjink i should be eating something healthier than doritos right now since junk food will abound this evening. Tomorrow is the chiropractor then grand opening awesomeness at my favorite comic book store, then Sunday...

Well sunday s going to suck because I have to go back to work and there's about $300 wroth of catering orders to fufill, but the next 39 hours are going to rule more than San Dimas Highschool football.


A Magic Autumn Forest...

...is what my boyfriend is going to find when he gets home from work.

I found a bunch of autumn decorations on sale for dirt cheapness, so I'm about to go on a decorating binge. Soon there will be autumn leaves and fall grasses accenting every corner of the living room, with sundry candle accents on every available surface.

And the best part, Tim is at work, so when he comes home at two, without any warning, the living-room is going to be cleaned with bright harvest colors drawing the eye everywhere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make Martha Stewart look like an amateur. ^_^